Being Nice Isn't enough.

Being Nice Isn’t Enough: Why Passive Acceptance of LGBTQ+ People Can Be Harmful

“I love everyone. I don’t care who you love or how you identify — I treat everyone the same.” You’ve probably heard this before. Maybe even said it. And on the surface, it sounds like allyship - kind, accepting, and open-minded. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: Treating everyone the same, when we don’t all face the same challenges, isn’t inclusive. It’s erasure.

In the wedding industry, where we often hear phrases like “Love is love” or “We welcome all couples”, there’s a dangerous illusion of inclusivity. But acceptance isn’t enough. Tolerance isn’t enough. Being “nice” isn’t enough. Because when inclusivity stops at “we don’t discriminate,” it quietly allows discrimination to continue , just in more subtle, insidious ways.

Let’s talk about it.

Image of Rebel Love Supplier: Lovestruck Celebrant. Image credit: Carmel McCabe Photography

The Problem with ‘Acceptance’

Saying you “accept” LGBTQ+ people implies that there’s something about us that needs to be tolerated. That we’re somehow outside the norm - something you need to make peace with rather than celebrate and actively include.

And when acceptance doesn’t go any deeper, it becomes passive.You’re not hurting anyone, but you’re also not helping.

When businesses stop at acceptance, they rarely take the time to consider how their language, forms, content, or environments might still be alienating or unsafe for LGBTQ+ folks. It creates a surface-level sense of safety that quickly falls apart the moment a couple sees your brochure, browses your website, or walks into a consultation and is misgendered.

Why Passive Allyship Can Be Harmful

Let’s be really clear: performative or passive allyship can be just as damaging as overt exclusion.

Because it’s deceptive. It makes us feel like we can trust you, only for that trust to be broken when:

• There’s no option to input our pronouns on your contact form.

• You assume a bride and groom in your emails.

• Your portfolio only features cis-het couples.

• You freeze or get defensive when we gently correct you.
  

And when you’re not actively inclusive, the responsibility falls on LGBTQ+ people to educate you, to correct you, to do the heavy lifting for their own safety and comfort. That’s not fair - and it’s certainly not inclusive.

The Wedding Industry Is Ripe With Passive Language

Here’s what we often see (and hear) in the industry:

• “We welcome all couples!” - but nothing on your website shows that.

• “Love is love!” - but you still use only heteronormative stock images.

• “We don’t discriminate!” - but you’ve never done inclusivity training or examined your unconscious bias.

  
  

Inclusivity isn’t a one-time declaration. It’s a continuous practice.And if your business isn’t explicitly inclusive, it’s probably accidentally exclusive.

What Real Inclusivity Looks Like

If you’re genuinely here to be inclusive, here’s where to start:

✅ Update your language

Ditch “bride and groom” and embrace terms like “to-be-weds,” “couple,” or use their actual names.

✅ Show us you mean it

Make sure your portfolio reflects a wide range of people - in race, body type, gender identity, ability, and orientation.

✅ Ask for pronouns (properly!)

On your forms, in your meetings, on your Zoom name - pronouns matter, and assuming them can cause harm.

✅ Educate yourself

Download our free “How to Be an Inclusive Supplier” PDF. Read blogs. Follow LGBTQ+ creators and educators. Pay for training when it’s available. Be willing to get it wrong, and be open to getting it right next time.

✅ Listen more than you speak

Don’t make it about you. Listen when LGBTQ+ people share their experiences - even (especially) when it’s uncomfortable.

✅ Do the work when no one’s watching

True allyship isn’t loud or shiny. It’s consistent. Quiet. Humble. Daily.

This Is Your Invitation to Do Better

We don’t want to cancel you. We want to call you in.

Because we believe the wedding industry can do better.We believe that when people are given the tools, they’ll rise to the occasion.And we believe that allyship isn’t a personality trait, it’s a practice.

So if you’re ready to move beyond “nice” and into inclusive, here’s your next step:

📥 Book onto our next LGBTQ+ Inclusivity in the Wedding Industry Session Here

Let’s build an industry where LGBTQ+ people don’t just feel tolerated - they feel celebrated.