Why 'Same-Sex' Isn't as Inclusive as You Think
- Steff & Ells
- Mar 20
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 21
Why 'Same-Sex' Isn't as Inclusive as You Think
We see it all the time - wedding suppliers using the term “same-sex” when trying to be inclusive. While the intention might be good, this term is actually quite exclusionary. It primarily caters to cisgender gay and lesbian couples and fails to acknowledge the full diversity of the LGBTQ+ community.
On top of that, it centres sex over people, which can feel clinical and dehumanising. Straight couples aren’t reduced to “opposite-sex couples” in everyday conversation, so why should Queer couples be defined by sex rather than love, partnership, and identity?
Who Does 'Same-Sex' Leave Out?
The term 'same-sex' only includes couples where both partners identify as the same gender, but LGBTQ+ relationships are so much more diverse. Here’s who it leaves out:
Non-Binary and Gender-Fluid People - Many people don't identify strictly as 'male' or 'female', and their relationships don’t fit neatly into the 'same-sex' label.
Trans People in Relationships - A trans person in a relationship may not identify as the 'same sex' as their partner, making the term feel invalidating.
Bi+ Relationships - A bi person in a relationship, regardless of their partner’s gender, is still in an LGBTQ+ relationship. The 'same-sex' label erases the experiences of bi, pan, and queer people who may have partners of different genders.
Why “Same-Sex” Misses the Mark
It centres sex instead of people. By putting “sex” front and centre, it reduces Queer people to their sexual bodies or what they do in bed, rather than recognising them as whole people in loving relationships.
It feels clinical and detached. Using “sex” as the defining word sounds more like a medical classification than language celebrating love and identity.
It ignores gender diversity. The phrase assumes that everyone’s gender neatly matches the sex they were assigned at birth. This cis-normative framing leaves out trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse people whose identities don’t fit into a binary “same vs opposite sex” model.
Sex vs Gender: Why It Matters
Understanding why “same-sex” doesn’t work also means unpacking the difference between sex and gender:
Sex usually refers to biological traits assigned at birth (chromosomes, hormones, anatomy). Even here, it isn’t always binary - intersex people exist, and biology is diverse.
Gender is how someone identifies and expresses themselves in society (man, woman, non-binary, genderqueer, etc). Gender is cultural, personal, and fluid - and it isn’t the same as sex.
When we talk about Queer love, it’s about gender identities and lived experiences, not just biology. For example, a trans woman and a cis woman might identify as two women in love, but describing them as “same-sex” erases that truth and reduces them to their assigned sex at birth.
Why Language Matters
Words shape experiences. For too long, the wedding industry has focused on heteronormative traditions, and even when inclusivity is attempted, outdated language still excludes many in the LGBTQ+ community. If suppliers truly want to be inclusive, they need to start saying:
✅ “LGBTQ+ weddings”
✅ “Queer* weddings” (be mindful of who you use this with - read more on that here)
✅ “LGBTQ+ couples” or “LGBTQ+ lovers”
✅ “Inclusive weddings”
How to Check If Your Language Is Inclusive
Look at your website and socials - Are you only using the term 'same-sex', or do you mention LGBTQ+ love?
Think beyond gendered assumptions - Avoid language like 'brides and grooms' and instead use 'to-be-weds' or 'partners'.
Educate yourself continuously - The LGBTQ+ community is vast and diverse, and language evolves. Staying open to learning is key.
It's Time to Do Better
If you truly want to support LGBTQ+ couples, your language needs to reflect that. Ditch the limiting 'same-sex' terminology and embrace language that welcomes everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. Because love isn’t just 'same-sex', it’s beautifully diverse, and it’s time the wedding industry fully recognised that.
Are you a wedding supplier looking to make your business more inclusive? Join the conversation and learn more about how you can support LGBTQ+ to-be-weds the right way!
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