When Queer Women Date Men: The JoJo Siwa & Fletcher Discourse, Biphobia, and Lesbian Erasure

By Steff (she/they), a queer, lesbian, genderqueer woman

Lately, the internet has been on fire with conversations about JoJo Siwa and Fletcher , two sapphic-leaning celebrities who have publicly identified as queer, after it was revealed that both are (or were recently) dating cis men. The reactions have ranged from support and celebration to frustration, confusion, and outright anger. In particular, many lesbians have felt a deep sting - one that’s being dismissed as “biphobia” - but there’s a lot more going on under the surface that needs to be unpacked.

So let's try...

Let’s Clear Up What This Isn’t About

Before we dive in, let’s make one thing clear: this discourse is not about the age gap between JoJo Siwa and her new boyfriend, Chris. It’s not about whether JoJo cheated on her ex-partner, Kath (they/them). And it’s not about Fletcher launching “Boy” merch during Pride Month after building a career on her connection to her sapphic audience.

Yes, there are valid conversations to be had about all of that. Yes, some of it doesn’t sit right, and people are absolutely entitled to feel uneasy. But when we make those the focus, we’re missing the real, deeper issues that actually matter in this moment.

This blog isn’t about celebrity gossip. It’s about what this kind of visibility, and the reactions to it, tells us about queerness, biphobia, lesbian erasure, and the way sapphic identities are viewed by society. The distractions are easy. The nuance is harder.

Sexuality is Fluid, and That’s Valid

First and foremost: sexuality is not a fixed, one-size-fits-all experience. It evolves. It shifts. It reveals new parts of ourselves as we grow and change - and especially for someone like JoJo Siwa, who came out young, in the public eye, and is still very much figuring herself out, we should allow space for that journey.

JoJo Siwa & Chris Hughes in May 2025 | CREDIT: Chris Hughes Instagram

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with someone who once dated women or identified as a lesbian/sapphic now being in a relationship with a man. It doesn’t invalidate their past experiences or queerness. Queer people do not owe anyone a consistent label or a specific gender preference to be valid in their identity.

But Let’s Talk About the Hurt - And Why It’s Not Just “Biphobia”

The backlash isn’t coming from nowhere. And while some of it absolutely is rooted in biphobia, such as policing who queer people “can” date and still be seen as queer - it’s not the whole picture.

For a lot of lesbians, especially those who have been visibly queer in a hostile world, this hurts. It’s painful to see sapphic relationships celebrated publicly - a rare win in a heteronormative culture - only to then be overshadowed by the return of the “man was the answer all along” narrative. That isn’t about individual choices. It’s about what society decides is real love.

The trope of “you just haven’t found the right man yet” has haunted lesbians for centuries. It’s used to discredit our identities, to invalidate our relationships, and to paint our sexuality as a phase or a rebellion. When high-profile sapphic women end up with men, it’s not inherently wrong - but the media and societal framing often reinforces this dangerous rhetoric. That’s where the wound deepens.

Lesbian Erasure Is Real

Lesbians have faced decades of erasure and invalidation - from being completely removed from LGBTQ+ history to being fetishised for the male gaze, and even sidelined within queer spaces. The constant message is that our love for other women isn’t quite enough.

So when people react strongly to JoJo or Fletcher being with men, it’s not always about those individuals. It’s about centuries of not being taken seriously. It’s about the rare moments when lesbian or sapphic love is seen in the spotlight, only to be re-contextualised through a heteronormative lens.

And yes, biphobia is real. It’s damaging. It affects bi+ people in distinct and harmful ways. But it’s equally harmful to weaponise the word “biphobia” to silence the complex, deeply rooted pain that many lesbians are trying to express.

Both | And - Holding Nuance in Queer Discourse

This isn’t about blaming queer women for their personal dating choices. JoJo and Fletcher are allowed to date whomever they want. They’re allowed to explore. They’re allowed to change. That is queerness. That is fluidity.

But as a community, we need to be able to hold space for both the celebration of queer fluidity and the very real grief and frustration that some lesbians feel when society reinforces the idea that queerness , particularly lesbian love, is conditional, temporary, or waiting to be “corrected.”

We must listen to each other. We must separate systemic critique from personal attack. And most of all, we must remember that calling out oppression, whether it’s biphobia or lesbian erasure, shouldn’t be a zero-sum game.

In Conclusion - This Is About More Than JoJo or Fletcher

This conversation isn’t really about two celebrities. It’s about how queerness is perceived, validated, and respected - especially when it sits outside the cis-het binary.

It’s about letting queer people grow, explore, and make choices, while still demanding a world where lesbian and sapphic love is not just seen as real, but as whole, sacred, and unchangeable by the presence of men.

As queer folks, we’re not a monolith, but we do owe each other respect and understanding. We We need to keep unpacking, learning and pushing for a world where all queer identities - fluid or fixed, bi or lesbian, are held with care.